Category Archives: 3rd Ear World Blog
Five years ago, on this date 4th November 2010, I suffered a subachnoid brain haemorrhage that changed my life drastically. Living with the after effects of a head trauma is a constant battle which leaves me struggling with simple tasks, mentally fighting with emotions and my memory on a constant rollercoaster, but I’m a survivor, determined to overcome living with the “monster” in my head.
Five years ago, bar being hearing impaired and carrying the emotional baggage of past hiccups throughout life’s dramas, I was a pretty ‘normal’ thirty something mother of two, attending University in a bid to kickstart my career. My morning at uni had been a normal busy one, when suddenly, out of the blue, an excruciatingly painful headache hit me, causing me to collapse and be rushed to hospital.
To talk about 4th November 2010 is really hard for me as I know how close I was to death and my heart skips many beats whenever I relive that day. Forgive me for not going deep into details about my time in hospital, I will do one day, but today’s a survival day. It’s a tough survival, challenging and often lonesome as I battle daily with my inner turmoil, but I’m thankful to be here.
Any writer who has suffered writers block will know how frustrating it is to have ideas floating in your head, yet be unable to create a sentence. I go through that almost every day (this piece should’ve been posted this morning). My haemorrhage hasn’t stolen my ambition to be a successful writer, but it kills my drive. It’s a fight I may never win but I’ll never give in either, because ever since I was a little girl my passion was creative writing. In my better hearing days, my career path was wide and varied, with the loss, writing was all I had and I’m determined not to lose it.
I had some major repairs carried out in my home this week, which meant clearing out rooms so the workmen could carry out their duties. Whist moving boxes and bags of stuff that I’ve accumulated over the years from one room to the next, I concluded that a majority of it is mainly junk, but sentimental junk. A promise to myself to de-clutter and get rid is aimed to be completed before 2015 is over… Seriously!
My eldest daughter is always calling me a hoarder but I never realised how much unusable stuff I kept hold off until last week when I had workmen coming to work in my home. As a sentimental fool, I have greetings cards, special items of clothing, artwork the kids created at school, gifts I’ll never use, books I’ll never read, all stashed away in cupboards. As a writer I have boxes, folders and bags of half finished stories and poems, magazine and newspaper cuttings that I intended to use 10 years ago but are too nostalgic to throw away now and books and scraps of paper noted with a catalogue of brainstorming ideas that I need to fulfil. Diaries that date way back to my school days revealing embarrassing crushes and disturbingly dark intimate thoughts of a hormonal teen, right up to the present, dealing with motherhood, deafness and life’s drama’s. I can’t just throw everything away but I’ve got to cleanse things up a bit, for the sake of my sanity and much needed storage.
So… the de-cluttering project starts, and as it goes on I will be sharing the journey with you. Hopefully I might be able to revive a few written pieces or ideas that will inspire or entertain somebody out there… We’ll see. ~ 3rd Ear Girl
This week (June 1st -June 7th 2015) 3rd Ear Girl has been Jumping For Joy and gone Back To Black. Discrimination, bad neighbours and toothache; it’s all going down in 3rd Ear World.
After a very late night on Sunday, I was a grumpy chops when my daughter awoke me at 7:30am this morning. Also I’ve been toying around with my new Topping NX1 audio amplifier which helps me hear the sound from my mobile and mp3 player, via my headphones much better than normal. Hearing impaired sufferers will know how expensive deaf equipment is, so paying £23.49 for this little portable amp is a blessed bargain. No, I can’t hear music super perfectly, but I’m hearing vocals and instruments much clearer than before and it’s minute size is handy for travel. I love it! When I win some money I will definitely be upgrading to the Topping NX2.
Finding out the news that my dear friend Joy has been discharged from hospital had me literally Jumping For Joy. She’s been extremely poorly these last couple of weeks, on the brink of death so being sent home is a positive sign for her.
A dream from last night has been plaguing my thoughts. Moving into a new house. I wish!!!Bumped into one of the mothers from my daughters schools who had a lot to say but I didn’t hear much of it and her lisp didn’t help with reading her lips. So I just nodded where I thought appropriate. She knows I’m deaf but as with many people in my life, they continue to rattle on and speak AT me. I’m totally peeved with Channel 5…again. A mainstream British TV channel that continuously disses deaf viewers with their lack of subtitles. Not happy at all. Dyed my grey roots. I loathe them and having black hair exposes them brightly. I started having one or two grey strands in my teens, in my thirties, they came fast and furious.
This morning I caught my eleven year old trying to sneak out of the house with mascara on. Kids! I sent her to the bathroom to wash her face whilst giving her the 3rd degree. There’s plenty of time for her to be worrying about make-up… School work is her main agenda now. Punishment was being banned from using her tablet. That’ll teach her. Lovely sunny day, perfect for putting the washing out to dry. But I can’t do that, thanks to having the vilest neighbours living in the maisonette above me. Dog shit, cigarette ends, beer cans, food, dirty knickers loiter in both my front and back garden. I refuse to clear it up and our landlord (Whitefriars Housing) are doing jack doodle do to rectify the situation, even though witnesses have reported the scum. Lesson of the day; being deaf and a social housing tenant is both humiliating and discriminating.
Finally received an email from the recruitment advisor about my work experience position in administration. I should hopefully start next week. I worked in admin years ago when my hearing was better and although I earned a higher education diploma and attended university, I have to work my way from the bottom to gain employment. My health issues don’t help either. As well as being hearing impaired, I still suffer effects from a brain haemorrhage four years ago and I have reoccurring sciatica. Having a disability exposes a bucketload of discrimination in finding work. That’s why I like to write… Me, pen, paper or a computer and a sea of ideas…hmm. Don’t pay the bills though.
A day out in the sun with the 11 year old shopping, chatting and joking followed by lunch in Mcdonalds. Hot burger and cold fries, washed down with a mango and pineapple smoothie (my fave beverage of the moment). Tried to seek a moment of tranquillity to inspire my writing… Sadly nothing. My brain is bogged down with too many stresses, there’s just too much negativity in the 3rd Ear World this year. The evening ended with tormenting toothache. My pain threshold is fairly high but the pain I’ve endured this year is enough to send anyone off their rocker. Toothache is annoying and I can’t eat properly so a visit to the dentist is unavoidable (Boo Hoo!)
It’s the 57th birthday of my music idol, Prince, so a good excuse to blast out some Purple tunes and have a boogie. His songs are engraved in my memory so even though I struggle hearing the lyrics, I know the beats, the riffs and when to come in with the lyrics. Caught the men’s French Open final…Novak Djokovic got slaughtered by Stan Wawrinka 6-4 4-6 3-6 4-6 in a action packed match. I love tennis, watching, not playing. Now I’m off to complete a pile of ironing.